Guidelines on Chasing Airplanes, Cars, Muses, and Women Too Aloof

[This is an old post from my Facebook notes posted on May 11, 2011]

This is what you can call the exploits of a hopeless romantic; who, at times, is not so hopeless.

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Enter: me.

Yes, me.

Or for all intensive purposes, since you're reading this, Kit.

These are rules inspired by the random videos that I've seen, the ones that were shown to me by Bones today, and all the fucked up things that happened, which I bet was not limited only to me.

I know someone will laugh when I say that I've only loved four girls/ladies/women in my life.

Or maybe [pronoun] wouldn't. [pronoun] won't see this anyway.

These four would be:

The Queen,

The Princess,

The Fairy,

and The Lady.

Rule 1: Maybe they're just too nice -- Don't fall for/like [pronoun] too much.

Just becase you like the person, it doesn't mean that whatever that person has done towards or for you means that he/she likes you back.

The Queen was someone I met in the younger years of my life. No, not grade school young. She was, in every sense, my first and last case of love at first sight. My heart used to go haywire everytime I saw her.

Used to.

She cared for me like no other person ever had since I met her; and she'd fuss over things that only mothers probably would -- It came to a point that she even almost forbade me to ride a skateboard.

As the rule states, I assumed that she looked at me the same way as I did to her; after all those notes exchanged, those phonecalls that never seemed to have ended, the nightmares that she had, the promises that we made but never kept, and the hopes that I had that were, as it turned out, all for naught.

In the end, I realized that she was just being nice. And that she couldn't tell it to me, who seemed like her bestfriend, in fear of tearing me apart -- which led to me being torn apart a tad too many times.

It was all because I didn't follow..

Rule 2: Do not assume; Do not expect.

When two people say "I Love You" to each other, it means they have a relationship, correct?

Fuck no.

Well, The Queen and I used to say those words to each other. I said it from the depths of my heart, where hers came from is beyond me.

Rule 3: The line is there, you just don't see it.

I've come up with a little thing that I call the Tri-Boundaries of Relationships.

The first boundary is the Acquaintance boundary. As in, you just know that person. You've nothing to do with them at all, except for social and educational dealings. No problem here.

The second boundary is the Relationship Potential boundary. When you find yourself looking at someone you've looked at so many times in a different way, you're probably here. It's when you check out a person if [pronoun] suits your fancy or if you're willing to conform to [pronoun].

The third boundary is the Sibling boundary, wherein you guys just can't go there anymore. You're past the point to have any attraction between you.

Shitstorms usually come when you're in between the second and third boundary. You're often stuck to yourself wondering where you really are, or if that person looks at you as someone on their second boundary zone.

I found myself in these shitstorms with The Queen, The Fairy, and The L-- well, not so much.

Rule 4: [Pronoun] has no right, You have no right.

Face it. You like [pronoun]. And [pronoun] probably likes you too. But then, there can also be other parties involved in your blossoming relationship. The fucked up things in these situations spring out when you have a fit with [pronoun]. You more or less tend to veer off your path and look for someone else -- [pronoun] is also entitled to do the same. But you know what you can't do?

You can't be jealous.

Heh. Sucks, right? Well deal with it. You don't have any right to be jealous, and [pronoun] has no right to be jealous unless you either give [pronoun] the right to be, or you have some form of twisted agreement, which is, seriously, a relationship already. I mean, who the fuck are you kidding.

I remember the times I had with The Princess, when she and I had a fight when we weren't together yet; I ended up going out with this freshman in my team. Which was short-lived.

Rule 5: 1x, 2x, 3x, 4-- WTF.

A song from Forever the Sickest Kids says that 'She's a lady, and ladies' shouldn't be messed with'. I should've listened to Jonathan Cook when he said that. The Lady was not someone I messed with. She was, after all, my first attempt to have a relationship after I switched schools.

Obviously, she and I had our differences. I was... well. I lived a different life.WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more different than what lives her friends lead.

I tried to conform though.

Tried.

One thing led to another, and soon enough, after all the cheesy lines, surprises, and glances followed by smiles that could probably beat Joker's, we had a fight an arguement. Well, more like a fight.

After that fight, things cooled down. In what seemed like no time, we were back with what we were, only that things were kind of... awkward.

Long story short, since then, everything went downhill. I probably should've done more than I did, but meh, there are times when you really doubt yourself whether or not what you're doing is even getting through to the person you like (or in my case, love. Yeah, stupid me.) I tried to patch things up and get things right back on track, but after three tries, I felt like what I was doing was too much.

It was just all me from then. I couldn't get to her.

So I left. I gave up. I moved on.

Sort of.

Rule 6: Denial is not only a river in Egypt

There comes a time when you're not so into that person anymore.

And yet, you still are.

Fucked up, yeah?

Nope, not so much.

It's you, not [pronoun]. If you've fallen, or if you feel like it's something more than a crush, FOR FUCK'S SAKE DON'T PRETEND THAT IT'S NOT THERE. Same goes when you're not so interested with that person, too.

Rule 7: There are more Airplanes, Cars, Muses, and Women (or Men) Too Aloof out there. Go get 'em, tiger.

'Nuff said.

Like my beloved Pancakes has told me time and time again, there's no point getting stuck on someone for too long.

You can drink like an Irish man, smoke like there's no tomorrow, get fucked up like the rapture's near (like fuck it is.), but get over the person. It's a wide world out there, and you never really know who you'll meet or end up with in these lives that we're living in.

So yeah. 

Go get 'em, Tiger.

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Consider yourself one of my best friends/Consider yourself one of my enemies

It's been ages since I've last written anything akin to my thoughts in this somewhat barren blog of mine. Despite the desolate solace that it offers for both my mind, my thoughts, and more often times than I would like, my heart, I feel like what I try to keep at bay is slowly seeping through the cracks of my psyche.

As of late, my time is preoccupied of thoughts I know I could never afford to think of, yet my brain insists that I do. Even in the midst of things such as my internship, my cat, and throes of bipolar moments, I find myself constantly thinking.

Thinking of her.

and also thinking of her.

I should know better. I've been through what I could somewhat deem the worst, yet here I am still struggling against the unending torrent of beautiful disasters that comprises my life. I know that all this thinking will get me nowhere, and all the hopes that are stored well within where light cannot reach, will bear me no good deed.

I should know better.

But I don't. and I never do. Nor do I believe that I will in the near future. She does not like her. In fact, I suppose a lot of people that are around me don't like her because of all the smoke and mirrors that have happily erected themselves around the topic that was whatever we were -- if there ever was a name for whatever that transpired between us. On the other hand, she has no idea of the existence of her; or so I think.

Somehow, in this twisted, malignant, out-to-personally-get-me-and-screw-my-life-a-thousand-times-over universe, I still cannot begin to fathom as to why I give an actual fuck about her. She is almost out to get her, just because of me -- yet somehow, I worry for her.

The worst part is I still actually care about her. She doesn't know I do, and I'd rather that it stays like so.

I don't know. It's probably just me creating a fail-safe, trampoline to land on since I know very well that no matter how close I come with her, I know in my soul that I am no longer an option for her -- and she, to me as well. I suppose that line was crossed seven years ago, and that I am just merely chasing after ghosts that never really got to haunt anything substantial other than my ailed, multi-emotional heart. They were merely shadows cast father than they should have been, as the light of the stage of the life of the woman whose story never has an ending drops lower and lower, casting shadows far taller than their masters.

I can never choose her. Each time I have, I'm left with shards that gradually decrease in size as each chapter draws to a close between her and I. The last thing I need are shards far too small to piece back together again.

As for her, I can't quite muster the correct words to utilize in this particular moment, to enlighten whoever is reading, I suppose I could just say that I never had a decision to make to begin with. She was, in a sense, a tornado in her own right. I suppose I could say I was just helplessly dragged into her own little universe filled with things that are sometimes far too complex for my own.

Or maybe I jumped into the fray. Maybe.

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Overdue

This post has been put in abeyance for far too long.

I suppose it's high time I finish this.

I used to love March.

March meant I'm getting by another digit.

March meant summer. and summer is always good.

This time, March also meant parting with people who changed me in so many layers, levels, ways, and what have you that I can't even fathom where to begin.

I've met people that resembled those that I've left in my alma mater; those forever locked in their descent to decadence. Yung mga manginginom, mga nagyoyosi, mga tambay, mga boy-takas sa klase pagka attendance.

Those types. 

I didn't get out of that alone though. I'm not saying that I'm out of it completely. I still do the things I do anyway. But when I moved to a school I never even thought existed, meeting people who are far more complex and interesting than those I've left behind, I knew I'd get kicked a few times during my stay.

Metaphorically, of course.

Hindi ko ineexpect na mag-kakatropa kaagad ako. At lalong hindi ko inexpect na magtitino din pala ako kahit papaano.

These past two years changed me a lot. I fell in love with, as some of my friends described as the "type-you-take-home-and-introduce-to-your-parents-girl", a lady who changed me in so many ways it was actually quite disturbing. I also became close with her friends; a retarded lot I tell you. Pero sila yung mga may toyo na astig. Kasi yung toyo nila, papantay sa toyo mo, kung hindi pa mas malala. We were all retards, so I guess we all fit.

I learned the dirtier side of being a college student. Yung mga nangdodoktor ng resibo, nagpepeke ng grades. Yung mga ganon.

I found brothers that I know will always have my back, despite the fact most of which are retarded beyond comprehension in my personal opinion, but awesome in their own right.

I also learned who was who. Yung mga plastik, at yung mga tunay na kaibigan, kumbaga.

I realized that in this whole, wide, mean, screwing existence called Life, aside from your family, your friends will always be there for you. Through thick or thin. All my friends, the AB Comm Bros, the SPEDS (R.I.P.), the Mangoes, the Ate Siomai Rice idiots, and those who've known me far longer than they could tolerate drove that point home. Ang tunay na kaibigan, kumbaga, walang iwanan. Magkakainisan talaga kayo, pero in the end, magkakabati din naman kayo kung willing kayong ayusin ang problema.

To make this schizophrenic post short, I simply just want to thank all of you bastards for teaching me something. One way or another, you have. I'll make something more detailed in thanks for people who screwed me over so bad, but never left.

Thanks guys. Really. :)

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Dreams and Sewing Machines

Often times, I find myself lost in my own mind. Swirling and spiraling down to decadent ideas and demented thoughts. Amid all the din and clamor of the surroundings, there was you.

A ghost whose existence pervades even I.

You, a fleeting ideal.

A continuous memory.

A woman whom had once captured what I sought.

A lady whose smile could launch a thousand ships.

A girl who survives, despite all odds.

One call that I never expected at a time that was quite untimely, yet my guts said otherwise. What I heard was not the woman my ears remembered. What I heard was the princess crying on the rubble of the castle walls that she oh so carefully built up to the sky.

As sparks flew, and an ember started to come alive, I knew that your sanity was up to the words that I could muster. The words that people say are remarkable. The words that I believe is my curse and my gift. After a dose of nicotine, the machinations of my brain allowed the trains of thought to once again come alive. Desperation overcame my being as I glanced left and right for words that would console the weeping.

As your rouge tears ceased, and your smile was once again heard, I felt a lingering sense of pride. I felt that along with you, I also saved myself. You are the ears that I turn to when everyone else have fallen deaf. The one solace I run to when I am overcome with exhaustion.

So fair lady, please continue.

Haunt me as you will. Haunt me as you wish. Your dish shall be served once we meet. :)

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Razbliuto

It's 5:05 AM in my computer's clock.

I honestly don't know what am I doing at this ungodly hour. Half-wishing that fatigue would overcome me, I'm still here writing this.

A while ago, I had a chat with a good friend of mine; with regards to something that occurred last Tuesday -- something that bugged me to a grave extent. It felt like my brain was scattered on the floor, my gut knotting itself, and my stomach doing back and front flips when that message registered, swirled, marinated, and exploded inside my head.

It wasn't fair.

Against what ideal or whom; it's something I really can't put my finger on. I was asked why I was affected by that, and I couldn't believe myself as I jutted down my defense that as utterly pathetic and was obviously a ruse itself. It didn't take a genius to understand that I really was, and that by some contorted paradigm, my heart still skips beats if it's her.

Shit, I can hear birds chirping now. And I think the sun's about to glimpse this side of the world anytime soon.

Funny.

Speaking of the sun..

BAH. Although I know in my crazed little brain that this will tread on only to bedlam, if not past it. I still can't bring myself to get rid of these emotions that are close to what some might say absurd. I suppose this would be the final stretch of it. I hope and pray that it is.

Oh, but how I miss those days when I would just unconsciously smile. Those days when it seemed like her full attention was all mine.

But those days gone now.

And it's best that I also rid myself of this razbliuto.

But even then, I am aware that the sunshine that I used to walk in can never return.

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I'd be lying if I said I didn't

Waking up this morning, I felt like a god-damned ninja.

Yes. A GOD DAMNED NINJA.

Last night, I got an e-mail from... Well, let's just say I've been waiting for that e-mail since the 24th of March. As I opened my mailbox, checked my mail, I did my happy dance, a few skips in the living room, and made a new happy dance that I immediately used to elaborate my happiness -- This all transpired while my mother and my (for all intensive purposes, I really don't know what to call the mother of your god-mother so...) grand god-mother were having a small snackage fest.

Yes. They were staring.

Anyhoot~ Yesterday was quite... interesting, I suppose. I've had a couple of realizations -- Some of which were soul-shattering (no, not really... But you get the point.), others were simply and purely disappointing. But hell, I'm not one to really take trivial things too seriously -- but experience will always slap me on both cheeks if I become too lax.

I wondered, as I was walking up the stairs to crash on my bed for the night, which was approximately eight hours ago, how my life has been since I moved schools; this is solely attributed to the fact that my dorm mate rummaged through my computer's files and found pictures that made her cute eyes bulge like billiard balls and her jaw agape -- last semester's photos of me, with long hair and all.

Yeah, when everyone takes a gander at my photos the first thought that crosses their mind is "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED KIT" -- This never fails. I swear, it's almost priceless when I give them a smug look and answer with either "foood is goooood" or "well..." or...

teehee~

GOING BACK TO MY POINT.

So yeah. I've fallen in and out(?) of love this semester as well; Something that still bothers me to no end because from my point of view, IT'S A GOD DAMNED SHAME. But then again there are some things in this life that you can never have, even if you think, know and others can vouch that it's for you -- it goes and it never comes back. I still find myself musing at her every now and then. There were a few times she'd catch me, and god-knows-what she is thinking when she does. I guess I'm still not that quite over on the fact that things would've turned out differently. I guess I'll forever be a hopeless romantic.

AH BUT HELL~ That's too much drama for one paragraph, yeah?

I remember having conversations with both Serpent-san and my... Well, shall we say really extremely close lady friend about how I'm popular with the girls. I bet everyone would agree with my stand that I'M FUCKING NOT. I may know a lot of them, but I'm sure as hell not popular.

At least I know that I changed. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. I still do crazy things for girls like cutting my awesome long hair, stop smoking, actually sleeping on my bed and not on the floor or the sofa, learning how to fix my shiz no matter how much I love chaos (Serpent-san knows this, due to the fact that he's my roommate).

Ah, but there are things that will never change. Like how I will infallibly and inevitably be captivated by her despite how things have turned out -- this is, of course, until someone else comes along. Don't get me wrong, I'm not praying for the goddess of awe (if there is such a goddess) to pass by and have me love-struck and whatnot. It's just that sometimes, it's tiring to chase people you can't understand.

And it made me wonder. Come to think of it, she would be the third hard-to-understand girl I've fallen for.

Oh well. I'll leave you guys with a...

HIGH FIVE KUMA STYLE!

pictures are from
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Pictures/bears_pg01.html
-- they be not mine mon~

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Rock Star!

It would be fun if I could sit my butt down, enjoy the scenery, and sing to the songs I want to sing to; probably even drift into sleep.

Mind you, IT WOULD be fun.

Way way back then, when things like the Sesame Street were on air and Dora the Explorer never actually existed, I couldn’t care less what filmmaking was. I would fuss over things like why did my brother get the Red Power Ranger shirt and I got the Pink one; now, things like shot angles, screaming at the top of my lungs, making me feel like a rock star on a world tour every single shoot, and straining every neuron I have left that is still functioning to the success of our independent but professor-dependent film entitled “SEKEND” written and directed by none other than our seemingly dashing, but nonetheless nice(?), Professor Bart Andrew Mendoza.

The film is basically about a kid, who loves to run around, running around the place; you know, kinda like Forest Gump; or Naruto, if by some chance you haven’t seen Forest Gump. And yes, I haven’t seen Forest Gump either. As the First Assistant Director, I’m in charge of most of the things happening on the set. Simply put, I call the shots.

I secretly hoped it was shots of tequila, though.

You know that fancy pants guy who says “Lights, Camera, Action!”? Well, that’s not me. It’s not my job either, since my job description doesn’t include a folding chair, a toupee, much to my dismay, and that cone-shaped thingy that all directors possess. I know what you’re thinking. The answer is no. I don’t have a megaphone either; just my throat and vocal chords. My job, quite similar to the Director, is to relay his whims to the cast, oftentimes by screaming. There are times that I feel like I’m already throwing a tantrum by the way I give the commands, just so my voice would be audible to everyone on the set. But hey, it’s fun.

Imagine, at the top of your lungs you scream “ACTORS READY”, look left and right or wherever the cameras are positioned then scream “CAMERAS”, they reply with “ROLLING”, and then I end the sequence with “ACTION!”. Easy peasy, right? Not when you have to do it 3/4ths of the day every 5-15 minutes it’s not.

Like I said, Rock Star on a world tour, although my fans don’t reply as I scream, because they’re practically inexistent.

But mind you, despite all the hardships every single member of the production crew has to face, be it a member of the Props Committee, whom are tasked to bring tons of things (No, not really. But you get the point), or the DOPs (Directors of Photography) who are in charge of transporting, maintaining, and protecting the cameras with their very souls; every single one of us has a task to do – and thanks to what seems like a good mix of cooperation and ranting, we manage to pull through every time we set out and shoot.

Film making, which is definitely harder than advanced algebra (the bane of my existence) or calculus, requires effort, skill, an enormous amount of patience, and creativity. Running out of brain-juice halfway through the shoot is a definite no no, and burning out is always an unwelcome event. But hey, nothing is easy; in the end, by some twisted hate-love relationship, I enjoy doing my part as the First Assistant Director, even if it means lending a hand to all the committees, being the official chauffer of the actors when I’m able to bring a car, or carrying things that I’m not even supposed to be handling.

So I implore you, dear reader / random bored person, check out our website at:

http://www.knightvisionproductions.net

you can also follow us on twitter: @SEKENDprod

and like us on facebook. just check out my snazzy widget on the right hand side of your screen.

~kitana

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Logout

\ˈa-və-ˌtär\

1 : the incarnation of a Hindu deity (as Vishnu)
2 a : an incarnation in human form b : an embodiment (as of a concept or philosophy) often in a person
3 : a variant phase or version of a continuing basic entity
4 : an electronic image that represents and is manipulated by a computer user (as in a computer game

last week was exam week continuing today, Monday. out of boredom and the lack of anything decent to do, i've decided to go on a gaming journey. i've swept through forums and gaming sites scouring for past games that were nothing short of epic and brilliant.

simply put, i went on a downloading spree; music included.

music brings nostalgia to me. i've some of the artists i've listened through back during highschool like Keane, The Bravery, Hawthorne Heights, FM Static, and a lot more. i've also come a cross a lot of bands since then such as Artist Vs. Poet, Eleventyseven, The Ready Set, VersaEmerge and a lot more. come to think of it, i'm fixated to the scene genre nowadays.

as far as gaming goes for me, i've come down to the conclusion that my appetite for it is insatiable. game after game i just carry on. i've been a bowgun totting hunter, a thief in Midgard, a mercenary in a russian dystopia setting, a plethora of FF characters and a LOT more. funny thing was, it made me realize a lot of things.

in the digital age now, you can be almost anyone or anything. you can be a zombie, a god commanding over his people, or a general leading his legion to an epic sword-bashing event. but in the end, nothing beats the game called life.

it's a bit of a cliche to compare life to game, but basically it is. sans the savepoints, checkpoints, now loading and whatnot, you have an epic game in your hands. you play as you in this reality, and whatever you do amounts to what will happen in the future. you build relationships with other characters that play the game as well, and what you do counts.

funny how games can teach a lot of things without leaving the safety of your home. that is, if you internalize it.

i like playing games. i can be whatever i want, and i can do whatever i want as well.


but then. i wonder. when am i going to log out of digital gaming and start playing the one game that i have to concentrate on ?

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to sister:

i have this friend that i knew since way back during my elementary days. though we're really not that close during those times since back then, there was this sort-of iron curtain for boys and girls.

come college, we bonded like snot. it didn't take us ages to get along and piss each other off. we both held our heads up high and we never like to let our prides and our sides down. we'd fight like bitches and make up like gay people. we'd eat like binge whores and hang like hobos. that was our routine. i was the driver, she was the maid. of course, obviously the other one was the VIP since she always gets to ride at the back. my sister always rides shotgun when i drive.

we always sing our hearts out, be it over beer or iced tea. we fight over guitars and threaten each other like two dictators fighting each other. we scream and cuss at each other no matter what the situation is. she calls me tactless, i call her fat. we'd usually hang when i "jog". among our posse, we'd be the only ones to connect almost immediately. and heck, people even say we're actually siblings.


see the resemblance?

we usually also break our hearts out. be it through text, face to face, or an unbelievably looong phone call, it doesn't matter. she can almost always read through me, and i can't even begin to read her.


this magnificent(not), bitchy, sing-song-ey, binge-ing, lovely, sweet, charmin', unforgiving, masochistic, sadistic, and all the other pronouns i can think of is none other than my one and only beloved sister, Nikki M. otherwise known (but mostly to me only because i coined the nickie) as M.

i guess god made the mistake of sending me to my parents, or sending her to hers. we're almost alike it's scary. but in our own ways we're different. like, she can sing, i can't. i can handle my ale, she can barely hold hers. and tons of other stuff. but what really makes me love this betch is because of her unique personality. love her or hate her, she won't care. she has her own world with aaaaaall of her friends in it. if you get tangled up with someone, you'll expect her to be in your doorstep with camo paint smeared all over her and huge knives in tow. (i kid.) that's how M would do it. and she's such a bitch that both our huge egos would clash and we'd bitch at each other like there's no tomorrow.

but ultimately, we watch out for each other. she watches my back, and i watch hers. she's that one of a kind person that you'll love and cherish. so hear this: ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES THERE IN CANADA, IF YOU EVEN DARE MAKE IT CRAPPY FOR HER, WAIT A FEW YEARS. I'LL COME FOR YOUR SOULS. >:D

so yeah. there. i'm missing you already, betch. sorry, i slept early. that's why i couldn't answer your phonecall. take care. i love you sis.:D

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mindwarped

she had me thinking about you.












--and i'm honestly not sure if i'm going to do this for myself or for you.

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a dire need for a complication

a complication.

if you'd ask me, it's a good thing. for me.

i think.

i just came home an hour ago from PC Butlers with Shinagawa.lol i pwned his ass in DOW.

anyway. i'm staying up late for Algebra. sort of. midterms are up tomorrow, 8AM sharp. i have to pick up ceej around 6:30, grab coffee then meet up with van and possibly uli if he ever musters the enthusiasm to wake up in school for a last-hour review.

i honestly am confident i'll do fine. but then again, murphy's law is the all-time bitch. "If anything can go wrong, it will at the worst possible moment."

--talk about negativity, right? what a bitch murphy is. but atleast it helps me get prepared. i'm trying to be a good student now, waking up early just so i won't be late for class, avoiding cutting classes as much as possible. (you lying bastard, you just skipped class a while ago!)

uhoh. i only have three more cigarettes left. this is bad.

moving on. in truth, i miss being in a complication. the last complication i had was epic. yes, sweetie, it was epic. tragic, but epic all the same. i talked to a friend that i don't talk to too much. but like they say, great minds think alike. i say broken hearts and hung-over-on-the-last-relationship people think alike as well.

she was laying it down like booze running down my throat. i was nodding like a moron, but yeah i was definitely agreeing to all that she was saying, and same goes for her when it was my time to lay down my side. we planned on having drinks and laying it down, hardcore style. epic. now that's what i'm looking forward to. it's been a while since i've had a decent, in-depth conversation with someone i don't really know that well.

it's been a while since i've listend to Making April's songs. those are ultimate heartbreak/heartbroken songs. hits the spot pretty well, i tell ye. look it up for fun if you want. you won't be disappointed.


great. now Torres is playing on MTV.


i wonder what it'd be like if i finally manage to convince myself to revert back. i mean, i'm trying. but trying ain't good enough. especially with all the booze, and corned beef with parmesan dates with vanessa and CJ. god. vanessa was complaining that she's going to get fat if our eating habits go on. i couldn't agree more. it totally fucks my diet up. which is definitely bad.

i scathed myself, by the way. i have this nasty gash that runs about three inches on my right forearm, and a semi-circular bruise with scratches that runs about two or one and a half inches on my left shin. all because i showed compassion to the dying san francisco while i was walking down the adobe steps of our garden. great kit, epic fail.

speaking of epic fails. my mom did a pretty bad job hiring help for Maya. i don't undertand half the thing our new maid says, and she accidentally locked the door of the bathroom, barring entry to anyone for a good 5 hours. and that was during the time i had to use my throne. luckily i managed to open it out of frustration and almost-constipation. mainly constipation. i mean seriously. i don't even know our maid's name. she doesn't know how to use a can opener and instead uses knives to open cans. she even uses knives to open those instant coffee packs, which can be easily torn apart if you rip it from the crease. she must have this thing for knives.

and the epicest failest of all, everyone calls me 'kits' now. great. i have another name. kitana, kuma, kirk, koik, koiky, kitong, kitongsu, pst, bitch, and many more.

i have to say my abru prayer a little later before i sleep. i wouldn't want to disrespect the dad of all the abru people. riiight van?HAHA

i thought you have to multiply 4 to a and c independently. fuck, it turns out you have to multiply 4 to a and then multiply the product to c. that's a litte thing about algebra.

uli keeps on harrassing me on how my grades are top-notch and that i shouldn't worry about the midterms tomorrow. but i feel i should get a great, if not perfect, score tomorrow. a 4.0's a 4.0.

as of now, Shinagawa got me interested in the tabletop version of Warhammer 40k. so i'm looking into it and if it captures my interest, i might invest in purchasing an army of my own. but, since the computer game version of it was more akin to me, and since i've basically mastered majority of the races, the dark eldar and the sisters of battle left to master, i'm having a really hard time choosing which army to make. i'm tempted to make a chaos daemon army. or maybe a fully fleged, IMBA eldar army. why not orks that can fuck up anything in melee? or the ever-vigilant space marines that can pulvurize anything given enough firepower. i dunno. it's kind of hard to decide, but ultimately, i think it's a choice between Eldar, Orks, or Chaos. who knows.

i'm reading on the literature already, and i'm doing my research on the tabletop rules and gameplay as i type. it really might suck me in into the tabletop universe. i dunno.lol

anyway. i'm kicking in in a few minutes. or a few hours. i don't know. so ciao.:D

oi. readers, please leave me something to read.

goodluck to all the souls that might get their cards for algebra on monday.

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horoscope

Pitbull is lucky. i guess the charm's with the bald head. or is it the discernible spanish lyrics? i wouldn't really know. look up his video. i dunno the title. but i find the chicas.. interesting. LOL.

tomorrow, i'm faced with a VERY hectic and busy schedule. and i doubt i'd be coming out of it without being stressed out. why? i have piles of events lined up for me. first, i have to meet up with my dad and step-mum at 6am in paseo. which sucks. because it's already 1AM and i'm still not sleeping. then there's my 7am review with van and ceej in school for our algebra thing. hopefully i ace that quiz because i have to catch up to absences already. then i'm heading to alabang right around the time the quiz finishes to get the shirts and two Tekken 5 CDs for the stint later on in the evening.

HASSLE.

after that. around lunch, i have to get my PS2, majority of my CDs, and the flat screen TV upstairs to school, which is also related to what we will be doing later on in the night. then i'll have class from 4:20-7:30 pm. i've missed two classes of FILITRI and WRITRTV already because i called in sick. which sucks, since i actually like both classes.

and then i have to finish my ASIAWST report, which is ALMOST done. i have to find time to finish that quickly. since i think it's virtually impossible to finish that within the gaps of tomorrow. besides, my brother's a hog when it comes to his laptop. therefore i have to drag my eyes out to finish. meh.

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my brother was ranting how FAT Flo 'Rida was. and then out of nowhere, i blurted out that he's the only rap star proud to streak around half-naked even though he was fat.

speaking of Flo 'Rida. has anyone noticed how almost all of his songs start with the word 'hey' and it's pronounced in the gayest way? no? just me then.

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i heard my horoscope this morning. it said:

PISCES: "Be careful around your demanding friends"

so it got me thinking. i don't remember being friends with anyone demanding. so i guess i was a bit more lucky this time around.

--but seriously. who takes these things seriously? i just want to know mine because it's fun. and i've got nothing better to do during the wee hours of the morning. i mean, if it said something like "You'll find a million dollar check where you least expect it. Namely inside your Black Levi's back pocket." everyone would be reading it and be hoping that they had Black Levi's on at that exact moment. wishful thinking, i guess.

random rant: tsk. if it hadn't been for that fucking last call, i would've talked to you. but yeah, awkward times bring awkward conversations and forced ill-meant comments. so there we go. we never ended up talking, and i still couldn't get your number. oh well. i don't have a crush on ye anymore. :P

moving on. i just snapped back to reality. i just remembered that i have to do my report for ASIAWST. but then again, i think i'm at my best when i'm working with a lot of things; all at the same time. i think i'm a born multitasker. i'm also a born shrink. and also a born lawyer. no seriously. my mother thinks i should have taken up Law or something because i'm such a pain in the ass to argue with every now and then.

RANDOM AGAIN: who the FUCK is crazy enough to make Taylor Swift cry?! the fuck man. what's wrong with you?HAHA

moving on. again. oh oh, i think metro sta- no it's NIN (Nine-Inch Nails) playing in MTV. they're going to have their concert here around the early weeks of August. but what really got me buzzing was the rumor about Lady GaGa's concert here in the Phillies. but i'm really not sure. a friend told me the pictures look fishy. it didn't make any sense, so i just nodded and pretended i understood and typed the famous words that almost every internet junkie has typed if ever they're in a loss of words: 'lol'

so why do people type 'lol' when they have nothing else to say? i admit, i say it. what's funnier is the redundancy of the word. i mean 'haha' means you're laughing already. but 'haha.lol' is overdoing it. i'm guilty with that one too. gah, to hell with it, we all use 'lol' for no reason at all anyway. but you ESPECIALLY use the word 'lol' in capital and BOLD letters when you see a woman, who isn't even trying to become a man, with UNSHAVED legs.

PWNLOL.

i swear to god. she makes me look like i'm a clean freak for crying out loud. and if she has leg hair, i can't possibly fathom where else the dense jungle can possibly grow.

and she beats the Dragon Lady with her fashion sense any day. with her man-outfits and her oozing testosterone, even profs would be more than happy to give her a 4 in PE just because she's just too manly. and pathetic. but mostly manly.

WARNING/DISCLAIMER: oi, for those who know who i'm talking about, SHH.XD

the song Kelsey by Metro Station is stuck in my head. it's so freakkin' catchy. aside from the fact that it has lovely lyrics. it's nice. listen to it. get speakers if you don't have. you suck if you don't listen to it!

anyway. i have to go now. this is a bit too long already. well, not really. i'm running out of time already. i have to catch a few zs later. so yeah.

~ciao.


IT JUST PLAYED YAY! KELSEY IS PLAYING AT MTV RIGHT NOWRR! [2:09AM260609]

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meh.

i read everything that we wrote. and now, i'm confused. all the alcohol i've been consuming lately must've finally gotten in my brain and managed to tap into the deepest corners of my uncharted and cob-webbed brain. nakaka leche.

oi mate, yung plano, ha. ;>

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skeleton boo~y.

surprisingly, i woke up at 3 am. the infamous witching hour. i didn't actually care, even though dogs were barking at something. turns out, my 5-hour breaks turned into a more hellish 7-hour interval. great. at least i have something to do now. which would be creating cocktails. no, not just following recipe books, but making my own as well. and for kicks, i'll be naming the drinks after my closest friends. some drinks might even be made by them, like Bono's Basher for example. that shiz is insane. another one, which is an off-shot of the infamous Long Island Tea, is what i call Ia's Tea. it was something i just randomly mixed. to my surprise, my friend Ia loved that, thus the name.

anyway. i'm being attacked by laziness again, no matter how hard i try to snap out of it. i even got pwned by HUCOINT's sir Mags. i gotta apologize. and oh, oi, you fat-think-you're-so-cool pig. don't fucking mess with me, 'cuz even if you're a senior, i'll whoop your ass good.

moo~ving on. i just had to rant. me and bono are currently collaborating to create two songs. i'll post the lyrics sometime soon. i'm too lazy to type away.

shit, i'm having one of those "Descending to Decadence" moments again. i'm having a lot of those lately. must be my old age. even though i'm just 17!

M's party would later on tonight. 6pm, if i'm not mistaken. i have absolutely no idea if i can go or not, because i haven't asked for permission in the first place. but really, who says i can't sneak out?

the song's nice, right? it's has a merry tune masking something else. listen closer if you want. it's awesome. and oh, by sheer circumstance, i have started smoking again. but my smoking will last only until my cigarettes run out, since the certain 'circumstance' has already passed me by.

this is one of the most unbelievably short posts since i have to post the third chapter of my story, and begin writing the fourth, before my readers abandon me. and no, i don't think it's something within where your interests lie,though if you manage to find it, then kudos to you. anyways gotta go. there's a story that needs typing.

~ciao

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i'm a comedian!

Q: what do the girls in sex scandals scream?
A: i'm KHOming!

god that's so funny.

not.

but really, i know you're either laughing or grinning.

i figured i had to make a joke about his last name because i heard the joke about his first name, which goes like:

Q: what do you call the video cameras they use for sex scandals?
A: a Hayden Camera!

really, if he had a middle/surname, i would find out and make a joke about that as well. just because i want to. no particular reason at all.LOL

--

so now i'm here in the lab with my buddies. namely Hansel, Ber, and Ceej. and i'm faced with the incredulous task of being bored for FIVE FREAKKING HOURS STRAIGHT. every tuesdays and fridays. which is absolutely fabulous. NOT. especially when i have no one to spend it with OR i have nothing to do during those FIVE wee long hours of boredom. I quit smoking last sunday. I have this bet thing with my friend, that every time i smoke, i should pay 10 pesos to our anti-smoking fund.

but then it hit me. what if we both got sick of not smoking some time in the middle of the term? then the purpose of the anti-smoking fund would be defeated, and it would be an ironic thing because the first thing that would pop out of our heads is to use the money to buy cigarettes! but really, hopefully that doesn't happen.

somehow, i find you unreasonable. but that wouldn't really matter much, because it's all gone down the drain anyway. and there's no use making something out of nothing because if there's no thing in the first place, what's the point? doesn't make sense? good.

so now that i'm bored, i guess i should post my '10 things i have to do before i die' list. yes, if you're gonna ask why it's only ten, it's because i want it to be ten. and ten is a mandatory number to majority of lists that exists in this world. fuck you if you have a good pun against that.

1. Stuff a live chicken with oregano and blow it with dynamite.
2. Shoot a cow with a bazooka.

--uh. fuck, i ran out of things to put! oh wait.i-Fi - C

3. Shooting a streaker with an anti-riot gun.
4. Dance like an ancient egyptian in front of a Muslim politician.
5. Be one of the first ones to Teleport.
6. Cook two turkeys in one oven that can actually just hold one turkey.
7. Stuff a chicken inside a Turkey and actually make it taste good.
8. Eat crocodile meat.
9. Have a camera implanted in my eyeball.
10. Create an inverse universe where everything is opposite!

so yeah. all of those things are insanely impossible. except for number one. which i can actually do, but i don't know where to get dynamite. ._.

oh oh. and i'll be creating one of those quizzes that rates if you know any trivial facts about me. hopefully someone will get past the 80% mark. but i doubt that anyone could even go past 50%. if someone passes 50%, i'll treat him/her for lunch! no really, i will. not.LOL

ciao~

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twisted transistor

i'm freaked out. my mother and godmother are talking about Hayden Kho's scandal.


--atleast i get to watch it without bearing any guilt. hooray to suggestive godmother!


anyway. i actually found out that adults are no different than teenagers. they fight like kids. and then Dane Cook's preachings flash through my mind and *pow* it was an instant classic how two supposedly mature people bicker and fight like children, letting their arrogance get the best of them. and really, how immature.

i find it really twisted that people of, as usual, supposed high class revert to the simplest and most basic addiction that even our house helps succumb to: the dreaded Teleseryes!

i admit, i've succumbed to some back in the day. but that was the past, i immediately cringe at the sight of those loathesome things. but yeah. enough of that. on to the main thing:

ME!

--well, not necessarily. it's just that, i've missed a lot of ranting, and as how my soulmate/best(bitch)friend, i've been hidden under a rock. but clearly i'm too busy with other stuff like attending parties, driving the ice queen bitch around, bringing my brother to his review in San Pedro, thinking of ideas for this business and whatnot.

well, seriously, i've been through worse, and i've been through better. atleast i have the buddies to back me up. well, i guess that wraps up this post. i'm too bored and distracted right now to go on.:D

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the irony.

It's someone like her that i need the most in my life.







--ironically, she wishes the opposite.

and no matter how much it strains me to comply, i guess this would be the best course of action.

it doesn't matter if you're mad or not; you would know why.

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decending to decadence

here are some poems that my deathpartner daggor and i came up months ago.lol

Apology

in my head and under the influence
i know this kind of talk is far too soon
the reruns of the past flickering to life after gathering dust returns
caused in part by ignorance of you
my conscience crept on me like cancer to my brain
my thoughts undecided as i'm feeling this way
could it be that such a truth be true
is conscience there to urge, to provemy seekng consolation would never be enough to wane the scars that keep me bound within this unmasked sorrow

will you listen for just one moment? and see that i'm in deep regret? you dance upon me, and i only say that i'm here. should i even persist to pry? would this even matter, would i still even try? i was gone for a while, do you mind if i knock again? i know only the truth of what i feel, should i be blind? i'm sorry i cannot stop myself

anything to win back what we were; because i know we're in ruins. the world is too much for us, could it be sweet compulsion i'm under? here i am, offering what i have left. under stars and streetlights is stand, so where are you?

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Hearseright

we turned our verses into death, all that we left behind break down and weep.
foolish wounds hand themselves with a rope. we laugh like angels of death as we float boundless and free, we sip cold honey accompanied by glee. angels of death are stamping away our lives and we seldom seek truth because its never really certain yet as desires die and hopes fall apart. we stand in line as our ticket calls, needing nothing as the conductor controls our strength, limping away captivated.

in love and death we stand steadfast and strong, yet weakness calls and all of us yield someday. in death and love we slave to fate and our chances are sleeping. asinine and absurd, we defy fate with valor of the fateless; continuous, what speeds us all? should we haste and die as we fall into oblivion? as memories and promises fail in a momentary flinch, we pause and take a small slice of life, we bend our souls lodged into love.

Light is spent where death tries to hide, precarious. and as our last breath escapes our lips this dark world is disabled.

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Kung ayaw me dahilan, kung gusto palaging merong paraan

hassle.

glory hallelujah i can't not rant. some of the lyrics in the song are irrelevant to my situation, obviously.

oohlala valentine's day is coming up in a few days. frankly, i wouldn't know what to do on that day. if things don't look up, i might end up canceling. who knows?

UPDATES:
> i have a wound again because raymond (i hate you, you nasty fucker.XD) opened the door to greet me. and me having the attention span of a frying pan, did not notice and hit the edge, giving me a nasteeyyy wound that bled profusely and was nearly diagnosed to be a laceration.

> i have.. about two bruises; one already on its healing state, and one about to appear sometime soon. i also have a bump on my right shin

> started smoking. again. can't resist.HAHA

> finished the twilight series last weekend. yeah, it's gay. but it's still literature.

> i realized that i'm starting to *GASP* study and pay more attention in class

> i might be in trouble.

> i will post something soon. something longer.

so there. oh oh, i changed my linkie! take a look at the bar!HAHA

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ouch that must hurt.

so here i am. blogging. again. despite the fact that i have a nasty looking bump WITH scratches attached. i can't believe how masochistic i really am. and i just realized that just now. because.. i was laughing my ass off while rolling in searing pain rooting from my forehead that i rammed against a wooden shelf after i finished to cover my dog's cage with a huge piece of wood to stave off the rain. so there you have it.

IT FUCKING HURTS


..when i touch it.XD


so yes. procrastination is setting in. again. i'm supposed to be reviewing for CJA tomorrow, so that i've something to write. other than that, i'm supposed to be sound asleep, resting the chaos that could be translated into my state of mind in normal terms. and after what seemed like only minutes, i never realized that time flew like a fucking thing that flies whenever i enjoy a conversation.

now i'm pitting my brains (again) to the extremes so that i can have something to write. and hopefully i don't smear our work with my drool if things get a bit lifeless while we're writing our entry. i'm trying to figure out what to wear for tomorrow in my head; taking into consideration the complication that is the wound that i accidentally inflicted to myself.

and now, me and my partner in crime M has decided upon a topic and is now in-your-face-ing each other with what we were trying to expect by tomorrow. i have.. what, five hours of sleep ahead of me? and i need to hit the sack soon or else i'll be a groggy mess of a writer by tomorrow. undoubtedly, of course, i have to prepare. its my first time to do this. and frankly, i'm quite... well.. anxious. its actually the first that i'm competing against people when it comes to writing. i've been writing about random stuff, like this, for example, almost all my teenage life. the most competition that i felt during my low-life standard as a writer would be M.

i admire and respect how she writes. to the point that i think i'm plagiarizing how she writes! which i actually think is what i'm doing right now.:D now M just logged off, leaving me with work to do..






...after i procrastinate.:D

and DONE. one game of warcraft. now i have to print shit. so toodles.:D

thank god she knows.

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