It's 5:05 AM in my computer's clock.

I honestly don't know what am I doing at this ungodly hour. Half-wishing that fatigue would overcome me, I'm still here writing this.

A while ago, I had a chat with a good friend of mine; with regards to something that occurred last Tuesday -- something that bugged me to a grave extent. It felt like my brain was scattered on the floor, my gut knotting itself, and my stomach doing back and front flips when that message registered, swirled, marinated, and exploded inside my head.

It wasn't fair.

Against what ideal or whom; it's something I really can't put my finger on. I was asked why I was affected by that, and I couldn't believe myself as I jutted down my defense that as utterly pathetic and was obviously a ruse itself. It didn't take a genius to understand that I really was, and that by some contorted paradigm, my heart still skips beats if it's her.

Shit, I can hear birds chirping now. And I think the sun's about to glimpse this side of the world anytime soon.


Speaking of the sun..

BAH. Although I know in my crazed little brain that this will tread on only to bedlam, if not past it. I still can't bring myself to get rid of these emotions that are close to what some might say absurd. I suppose this would be the final stretch of it. I hope and pray that it is.

Oh, but how I miss those days when I would just unconsciously smile. Those days when it seemed like her full attention was all mine.

But those days gone now.

And it's best that I also rid myself of this razbliuto.

But even then, I am aware that the sunshine that I used to walk in can never return.


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