Wednesday

it still doesn't sound right



5.20 am. no sleep.

i can't help but think about stuff. unimaginably, my cigarettes aren't doing their usual thing of making me feel light-headed. and now i'm staring at the ceiling while waiting for my grandfather to get back from simbang gabi. frankly, i never had a heart for religion; being the asshole that i am, i only go to Him whenever i need something. selfish, i know. things happening right now aren't really the things that i should be thanking Him for. fuck challenges; He's been challenging me since i was grade four.

maybe M was right. there's no real point in this. and sacrifices done would all be for the sake of friendship and contact, not something higher. i've been trying to put up to what i've been going through and it ain't easy, that's fer sure. that's why i never ever agree when people say they envy me; they envy how i live life. life is hell. but it's worth living.

right now i just can't take my mind of the topic of last week. it's like heroin for my brain to not let go of the thought. but this is getting way too unhealthy. it's not really easy for me to just throw away what i feel and just give up. it's unfair. this is unfair. but there's nothing i can do but live this hell for a life. maybe next year would be better. who knows?

it just sickens me that it always has to be like this. always. but i guess practice makes perfect. but this'll never make any sense to me.

0 comments:

  © Blogger templates The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP